John R. Fischer

Around New Years, people more or less do one of three things: focus on the past year’s failures; dream about what the future year will bring; or both. While understandable, I often find these activities lead us to lose sight of what’s most important: enjoying the present.

None of us are getting younger and as time goes by, the future grows shorter, as bleak as that is to acknowledge. While we wish we could have every opportunity in life, the fact is we cannot. Even with the ones we do have, I feel like we focus so much of our attention on and fantasize about what or could happen next week or next month, that we forget to enjoy and truly experience what is right in front of us here and now.

Over the past few years, I have fallen into the latter of these three groups, constantly looking at all the downsides of the year before me, while fantasizing about what the year ahead of me will bring. It is at best a distraction from the setbacks and bad times I have experienced over the last 12 months. It allows me to escape from the negativity associated with the past year as well as any issues or dissatisfaction I am currently facing in my present day life.

But this escape is an illusion, a fantasy world I have created in the form of a mindset to spare myself from the harsh feelings that come with failure, anxiety, depression, and dissatisfaction with where I am in life. It can be hard to cope with these issues, but giving into this escape does not fulfill one’s life but rather does the complete opposite by acting as a distraction from the present and all the bad that comes with it, much of which is caused by the repeating of mistakes made in the past. Additionally, it distracts them from all the good in a person’s life and in the end, often leads people to look back and not be able to recall the happiness or joy they experienced at certain points in time. It is not being able to recall the visuals of a memory entirely but the emotions associated with it that matter.

To avoid this scenario and the regrets that come with it, it is essential acknowledge and learn from one’s failures and problems from past events. Only then can you build the muscle memory needed to prevent these mistakes from occurring on repeat, which is what ultimately sabotages a new year before it even begins.

Until recently, I was focusing on all the negatives of the past year: the deaths of my mother and uncle, worrying over financial difficulties, having to stop taking acting classes to save money, losing friendships I held dear in my heart for years, and everything going on in the world.

But at 31, while still young, I can feel the hands of time starting to circle more toward the evening hours of my life. When I look back, I want to remember every hour of it not just as a reel of what happened at a specific moment in time but the feelings and thoughts that rushed through me as it occurred; the excitment, happiness, love, and support I felt.

I also want to recall the sadness, ire, hurt, fear, and bitterness I felt at certain times, but not ruminate and bring them into my present. Instead, I want to use them as a reminder of why I should or should not do something to avoid dealing with past issues again. In other words, a motivation for change, because only then will I be able to create a happy present and in the process, form a mindset and muscle memory that automatically allows me to live a happy future by knowing that I can experience events one-by-one, moment-by-moment as they come my way.

While this mindset is still a work in progress, and there will definitely be times I falter, I already feel I’m on the right track. For example, while 2023 was full of a lot of downs for me, it did come with some positives, like this past summer when I went to Israel, Palestine, and Jordan to watch my cousins get bar mitzvahed. What an incredible opportunity this was to experience the beauty, fun, and excitement of different, rich cultures, especially before the current war in Gaza changed them forever.

Because of my mindset back then, there are certain moments that are blurry in my memory, and the excitement I felt back then is hard to remember now. Still, there are memories and emotions that I remember crystal clear, like riding a camel for the first time ever in Petra, or admiring the history and carvings of underwater caves in Acra, that I will treasure with me forever. And for those that I don’t, I will simply use them as a lesson and reminder to always live in the present and not be distracted by dwelling on past traumas and negativity or rushing to and fantasizing about the next adventure.

As for the negatives in my life, like my mother dying, I can always take comfort in the fact that I still have my dad, my brothers, and an amazing family that supports and loves me in any endeavor I pursue, like this website, and friends who have my back to the bitter end. Sure, I still miss my mom, but I had more time with her than some people have with either of their parents, and I remember how she lived her life in the present well enough to follow by example and do the same. I am also doing well and fortunate enough to have a job that I love as the senior reporter for HealthCare Business News. Additionally, I just finished filming a short student film out of NYU in a main role (spoiler alert: I play the bad guy :)) that I successfully got after nailing the audition. As for the world, I am not sure what it will bring, but I know from past years that we have dealt with much worse in some cases and can learn lessons from them for how to address our present-day problems.

Yes, it’s normal to imagine what the future holds and even hope, pray, and fantasize. But plot out how you want to live your present by learning from the mistakes you made beforehand so as not to repeat them. Fully immerse yourself in your present day situation and let emotions and experiences, both bad and good, slowly flow moment-to-moment. If you doubt yourself or mess up, instead of brooding and lamenting about it, accept that it was necessary to be more in tune with the present going forward.

This will ultimately result in lessons that will be the tools for you to carve out a happy and healthy future in the long-run that will unfold on its own without you having to worry as much or try to make it work in your favor. It is a process that takes time and many failures, so be patient, but is ultimately worthwhile in my opinion. My resolution this year is not to plan for a better future but for a better present, which ultimately is the key to a successful and enjoyable future.