John R. Fischer

Hi everyone, long time, no talk. As you may have seen, I did not publish a blog last week. I was tired and in pain, due to an injury I am recovering from, and had a slight headache. If you read my first blog post, “Being present this year,” then you know that I am focused on concentrating on what I do and feel in the moment rather than ruminating about the past and fretting about the future.

This extends to my body and the signals it sends me moment-to-moment. Last Sunday, my brain was telling me to sit down and write a blog post, but my body was telling me that I was not up to it and to rest and heal. I am a creature of habit and do not like to break a routine, especially one that I have just started. But living in the moment I’ve learned requires you to accept any disturbances in your life and upend any schedules or plans you have in the works. Managing these interruptions requires you to trust your instincts, and mine were telling me that I needed to rest and not force myself, to not use my brain power to come up with witty anecdotes for this blog or do research on a topic I wanted to talk about because doing so would only exacerbate my condition and would have led to me half-assing a blog post that does not reflect the quality I strive to incorporate into these updates.

Back in January, I suffered a pinched nerve. The pain was so intense one day that I ended up going to the ER and am still recovering a few weeks later, as is to be expected with the severity of my condition. While I do feel bad that I was not able to provide you with some words of wisdom last week, the inability to post something gave me words for this week, which are simply to listen to your body because it knows itself better than you do.

Oftentimes, when we feel any sort of pain, be it emotional, mental, or physical, we automatically come up with excuses like, “It’s not as bad as it seems,” “I just don’t have the time to deal with this,” “I have to just ignore it and trudge ahead,” “I need to be there for this person right now,” “I can’t break my routine,” etc.

These excuses are endless and often lead us to experience exponentially more pain and stress in our lives and can even put us in some dangerous situations. For example, because I was worried so much about what the cost of a trip to the ER would be (a topic I will absolutely address in another blog entry), I waited two hours before caving in and heading over there. When I got there, I almost passed out because the pain was that intense. I was able to sit down and stay awake before being wheeled into the ER, but if I had sought help earlier, I might have been able to avoid that scary experience.

While hard to go through, it taught me that ignoring our bodies always comes with a price. Our minds tell us what we think we need to do, and we abide, ignoring the signals our body is relaying to us about our individual needs. As a result, we often put our health and overall wellbeing in jeopardy.

Yes, it is fine to worry about letting people down, as it shows your compassion and love for the other person. But at some point, we do let someone down and in many cases have to because we can no ignore our own needs. While they have a right to be mad if they are a true friend or companion they will understand. We worry they will revoke their friendship, but if they do understand, then the relationship will continue. If they do not and if they cut us out, you have to ask yourself if you actually had a friendship to begin with, as part of being a friend is knowing that things do not always work out and that at some point we are going to let one another down because we are human. It does not mean that we do not care, but that we are imperfect and have our own needs.

Another reason why we ignore our bodies is fear. It could be FOMO (fear of missing out), such as going to a cool party or event. It could be a phobia, such as going to the doctor or getting a shot. Often, it is fear of not living up to the standards we and others set for ourselves. Again, living in the present means putting aside our scheduled tasks and routines at times. If you’re body is saying its in pain or tired or just not up for soemthing, then it’s in your best interests not to go against it, as doing so could making things more challenging for your and even put you in a dangerous or precarious situation. It can even endanger others around you or lead you to get people’s expectations up, only to fail them in the end and let them down in a way that can be much worse than telling them beforehand that you cannot be there for them.

Complying with your body can actually prevent you from missing out on things in the future and help you overcome any phobias you may have and be in the best shape to help or be there for the ones you care about.

So, if have to let people down by listening to your body, then let them down! Do not fret and worry that the relationship will be damaged beyond repair. If it’s meant to last, it will. If it does not, then just remember that you will be okay and learn what the issues were that led to its end to prevent a similar situation in the future. Everything has good and bad points, and this is a good lesson, as heartbreaking and sad as it can be.

Also, don’t worry about missing out on something, as there will always be other and better things in the future. I used to have some irrational fear that something magical or fantastic was going to happen at an event I did not attend, and that I would be missing out compared to those who did. And look, nothing happened. We’re all the same, and as you get older, the nature of a lot of these events repeats itself over and over again, so really, you’re just missing out on a party that has the same vibe you felt at the last ten parties you attended, so really you haven’t missed out on anything.

Lastly, self-respect for yourself extends to your body and its needs. Rather than worry about what is expected of you by others, ask yourself what you expect of yourself for you. You have to protect and do what’s right for yourself first and foremost. No one else will, and if you do help yourself first then you will be able to help others in the present and future. There’s a reason why airline always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping your child or your neighbor next to you. If you cannot breathe, how you can help others do the same!